You are falling slowly deeper and deeper in this dark hole, it is so silent around you, and the darkness grows darker and darker, the hole seems bottomless, you are falling endlessly.

 You hear your silent pain screaming inside you, no body can hear it but you, it is so loud inside you, it deafens your senses, the pain is growing more more painful, penetrating every atom in your soul, your soul kneels in agony, begging for the pain to stop, for a miracle to happen, you are all alone, no one sees you, no one hears you, and you are falling,  until you surrender to pain; numb and falling, until the hole spits you out and you find yourself like a rock in space, drifting in the dark, you have no power, just drifting aimlessly, all silent, you are not alive, yet you are not dead.

You surrender and accept and drift, then all of a sudden, the hand that threw you into this dark silent space, picks you up, embraces you with tenderness, you shiver, tears start dropping silently but abundantly,the numb stone that fell on your soul is lifted, life starts radiating from the middle of your chest, pain is replaced by comfort, you are not drifting any more, you stand on your feet, look around, and hope this hand does not let go of you again, as it did in the past, you think to yourself I should not be too comfortable, because I might be sent back to the dark hole again. 

You wonder what is worst, is it being sent back to the dark hole, or the mixed fear and anticipation that you will live this pain over and over again. Or is it that you can not let go of your guard, and can not be too comfortable. You wonder how long all this will go on, how many years more, do I have any strength left, what is easier, or worst, being dead, being numb, or reliving the pain and dark hole over and over again.